So the self practice stopped and with it the blog.
Why was this and how has it made me feel? Well, since I last wrote, everything has been extremely full throttle. At the same time, I experienced ‘hitting the wall’ where everything became too intense. My energy levels went into freefall, my psyche went into rebellion and I crossed the threshold from coping to not coping.
And yet…a huge amount has been achieved this month. My business is finally up and running and I’m so in love with it. And that has been a long time coming, so the fact that it’s finally online and out there feels amazing. I’m very very excited about it. I’ve been learning a lot about online business, Canva and marketing, which is all fascinating. As well as all that, I’ve built a website for a property my parents have in France and which they want to rent out.
I got to go on holiday – organised by a concerned husband. We had the most beautiful time in North Wales, where his parents have a place. I went body boarding for the first time and got pinned under by a wave, which was unnerving for a moment but also incredibly … liberating…utter surrender. There was literally nothing to be done.
For some reason I found it so uplifting to have an actual physical experience of surrender, facilitated by the sea. I am now revisiting the sensations and feelings of that whenever I feel overwhelmed by my perception of what I can and can’t be in control of.
Work is going well…
One weekend my husband and I re-habbed the front door, which we’ve been meaning to do for ages, and now it looks incredibly smart and I bought begonias, lavender and geraniums for the planters on our doorstep. Every time I see the flowers it gives me a feeling of deep joy.
Another weekend dear friends came to stay, who are rarely in London. So it was wonderful to hang out with them, catch up and simply enjoy being in each other’s company.
It was my 43rd birthday and I had a great evening under the stars with some friends and all my family, after having spent the whole day cooking (which I found therapeutic and creative).
I’m on Day 28 of Whole 30 as well, which has been a great experience. It’s simplified everything for me around food, I feel a million times better and it’s been enjoyable.
So…all in all it’s been a rollercoaster time since I last posted, but at least one I can look back and feel it had significance.
But …. where does that leave the yoga, my self practice challenge, and the blog?
I’ve been asking myself that question on and off for a few days now…. in some ways for me, yoga amplifies the feeling of where things are psychologically out of alignment for me. I’ve also realised…much as I’d like to be, I’m not a morning person. And of course it’s much easier to go to a led class.
On Tuesday I went to a hot vinyasa flow, led by Julie Montagu who I think is a supremely gifted and plugged-in teacher. I left the class exuding confidence, and with what felt like a crazy aura of unbridled wellbeing buzzing around my system (this lasted for a few days).
The actual class itself was insane. I found myself as weak as a kitten, slithering around the mat with a brain that that apparently couldn’t communicate simple verbal cues to my body and, when it did, my body had no intention of obeying them.
Every time there was anything vaguely cardio, I literally felt like I might pass out and the rest of the time was plunged into a zombie-like low-blood-pressure-zone, with sweat pouring off me. So the obsessive thought I had running through my head throughout the class was…”I need to do Pilates on the reformer machine…I need to do Pilates on the reformer machine” … that is what works for me and my weird body and all its hyperextension and muscle imbalances. Plus – more of these hot vinyasa flow classes with Julie Montagu.
So…what’s the solution? It’s about balancing finances (Reformer Pilates is an investment that needs careful budgeting for), physical health (which actually needs to be prioritised as I really start focusing on my business – plus the fact I’ve never felt so physically unfit, ever), time to nurture my marriage and time simply to veg out. Where does a self practice challenge fit into this? It doesn’t really.
I’ve decided to revisit it at the beginning of every calendar month. I will still write on this blog but obviously not under the self-practice challenge category. I will write on the blog once a week.
Setting up this blog has put me in touch with loads of other bloggers whose work has been so enjoyable to read, and that has opened up a whole new aspect of the internet for me which has been really amazing…I don’t want to lose that. And I still love yoga with a passion. But I do want to add in Pilates. So we’ll see but the declaration at the moment (a la Gretchen Rubin ‘obliger’ tendencies) is a blog post a week (Sunday evenings) and revisit the suitability of the self practice challenge at the beginning of each calendar month.
In the meantime, have a lovely week.